1. LEARN
ABOUT WHAT SPEAKS LOVE TO HER. If you
haven’t read the five love languages recently, it might be time for a
refresher. Everybody communicates love in different ways. You probably tend to
try to show her love in your language. In order for her to feel loved you need
to find out what her language is and show her love in that language. Even if
you once went through this and learned her love language, you
might be surprised if you go through it again. It has been my experience that people’s love language will change over time.
might be surprised if you go through it again. It has been my experience that people’s love language will change over time.
2. ACT
ENTHUSIASTIC EVEN WHEN YOU AREN’T. I’m not
telling you to lie. Just show interest in the things she shares with you even
if it is something that you don’t care about. If she tells you one of her
friends who you’ve never met is pregnant it’s time to start asking questions
and letting her share the story with you. It might not be important to you but
she obviously cares about it if she brought it up.
3. ENGAGE
WITH HER. If she wants to talk to you it’s
probably a good idea to disengage with whatever you are doing and engage with
her instead. Turn off the T.V, Video game, computer or whatever else you may be
paying attention to and face her straight on. To men, face-to-face
communication usually means CONFLICT. To your wife, it means INTIMACY. Look her
in the eyes and listen to her.
4. USE
ACTIVE LISTENING SKILLS. You may have learned about this at
work. It works in marriage too. Make good use of non-verbal communication. Ask
her probing questions or to clarify something if you don’t understand what’s
coming across. Even if you think you understand what she’s saying it might be a
good idea to repeat what she’s saying in your own words every once in a while.
You can do this by saying something along these lines. “So you are saying that
you feel…”
5. FORGET
ABOUT THE PROBLEM, FOCUS ON THE EMOTIONS. You’ve
probably heard a million times that your wife doesn’t want you to solve her
problems. That’s because it’s true a large portion of the time. Instead of
trying to get her to tell you what the problem is, so you can help her solve it
just talk to her and empathize with her. This is her way of figuring out what
the problem is.
6. COMPLIMENT
HER. Your wife needs to feel beautiful and
desirable. Find ways everyday to compliment her. Text she from work to tell her
you can’t wait to get home. Notice the things she does every single day that
tends to get overlooked. Praise her on her appearance or how well she handles
the kids. Don’t be generic. Find specific things to compliment her on.
7. ACTIONS
SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. Sometimes good communication just
means serving her with actions. Give her a break from the kids. Do a chore she
normally does. Take out the trash before she has to start in on you to do it.
Ask her what you can do to help her. Marriage isn’t about compromise; it’s
about giving 100% even when you feel that she isn’t.
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